Exploring rope bondage: A beginner’s guide to shibari...

All the curiosity arises when people first see shibari.... Does it hurt? Is it normal to be in to this? Is it different to normal "bondage" leather and cuffs? How do I learn and where do I even start? What is it all about? Let me try to demystify it a bit...

Long story short (and sorry to those who seek clear cut answers!) - there really is no one size fits all answer...for some, it’s a purely erotic and sexual, a fetish- for others, it’s sensual but less erotic...more about the physical sensations or the deep sense of vulnerability and intimacy they feel being tied, and others it may be a draw towards the visuals and intricacies of tying and creating beautiful aesthetics on the body - and sometimes a mix of all, something completely different... it changes over time.

Any idea what it might be for you yet? Whether you’re completely new to Shibari or looking to deepen your understanding of this kinky practice, this blog may help you take your first steps!

What is shibari anyway? The long story short... again.

Disclaimer - I am not Japanese, and though I have been exploring this for a long time - I would advise you to seek our learning specifically about the roots and historic/cultural significance from Japanese sources - generally seeking diverse information is useful - but here is the understanding through my lens and my learning. Shibari (in Japanese) literally translates to "to tie. I would highly recommend a deeper dive into the origins as it could be a history lesson on it's own - but here is the condensed version of how I understand how we practice it today. Shibari has its roots in Japan’s Edo period (1600-1800s), where hojojutsu (a martial art) was practised by Samurai to capture/restrain/transport and torture prisoners with rope. It's not some 'ancient erotic art form' - but like many aspects of BDSM, the tools and dynamics we engage with are rooted in historic (and often ongoing) practices that oppressed, harmed or controlled people.  Equally - rope has always held a broader cultural significance in Japan, seen in Shinto practices like shimenawa (sacred rope) and binding/tying is found in everyday uses such as fastening kimonos or furoshiki (a traditional method using cloth to wrap objects. How it moved from being used by samurai into a sexual/erotic practice is longer to explain - I would advise exploring the shift (big shifts in the 20th century) as it evolved from representations in kabuki theatre and art - through photography, videography (porn!) and performance to get us closer to how we practice today.

So just like caning, flogging, whipping, and handcuffs which all carry heavy history of punishment and violence that people subvert and eroticise - rope holds specific cultural and historical relevance/significance in Japan, yet across cultures and histories different people will have their own feelings and relationships to rope and bondage - understanding roots broadly and personally is important if we wish to practice with awareness and respect for ourselves and one another .

Something I feel strongly about is highlighting the political and cultural influences these symbols carry and how they shape people’s experiences and approaches to play (consciously and unconsciously!). How can engage in kink in ways that subvert, empower, and create intentional spaces for exploration....rather than unintentionally recreating cycles of harm or reinforcing power dynamics that perpetuate existing inequalities and violence? Perhaps that’s a whole other blog post to reflect on! Back to this one...

I would describe the main focus of shibari as enjoying the pleasure of the process... unlike simple cuffs or leather which are clicked/snapped on or removed in mere seconds. Rope bondage emphasises the moments inbetween... the process of the tying, the rope going on and coming off, the sensation of movement and progressive restriction, the transitions and what is noticed as this intensify and shift. It's not just about the end goal, it's about enjoying how you get there. Shibari is not just about tying someone up. It’s about the interplay of vulnerability and control, the tactile sensation of the rope, and the unique dynamic between two people exploring together. And of course... it's the bondage and the power dynamics - whilst shibari is often celebrated in more mainstream spaces for its artistry and sensuality, we cannot separate it from its BDSM roots.

Why do people practice rope bondage?

Once again - as many reasons as there are people practicing! But here are some themes that come up often of why people are drawn to rope...

Connection and intimacy: Rope bondage (and all kink practices!) requires clear communication and trust with yourself and one another. It can deepen intimacy with a partner and encourage you to become more aware of your boundaries and desires. When you play with deep trust, you also expose yourself to risks, which means both people need to be connected and present which can develop meaningful and intimate bonds (sorry for the pun...)

Exploration of power dynamics: Shibari can be a way to explore themes of surrender, control, and empowerment. Even without intentionally going into an intense D/s (Dom/sub) dynamic, one person is tying and another is being tied, one person has control of the rope, one person doesn't. Many people express (on both sides of tying and being tied) the power of 'getting out of their head and into their body'. There is something intense and vulnerable (again for both people!) to explore surrender and holding space for another person to do so. SEX: It's erotic, it feels good, bondage is a fetish! Some people are drawn to and enjoy rope purely for the fact that it get's them off, or they are aroused by a partner in bondage. Many people can feel ashamed about expressing this desire for sex in ropes, and may feel they need to justify it as some sort of artistic drive too... though that isn't the case for everyone and I would urge those who love bondage simply because they find it arousing to fully own and enjoy that reality for themselves! (I'm with you...!)

Creativity: It does look pretty... and the beautiful thing about rope is it is completely versatile and customisable. It can feel pleasurable and exciting to explore all the possibilities of this tool and how visually different it can look (and feel) on different bodies and with different moods.

Sensory play: The feeling of the rope against your skin, the tension, and the physical sensations can be incredibly grounding and pleasurable... and painful (if you're into that sort of thing). People enjoy the spectrum of sensations with rope - everything you could feel with your hands it could be done with rope. So it can be hard, soft, stroking, tight, caressing, pressing... fast slow etc. etc. etc. Again - possibilities are endless!

Is Shibari about sex?

Each to their own... I guess a common misconception about Shibari is that it always involves sexual play. Whilst bondage can be arousing and sexual for many - the reality is something feeling 'sexual' doesn't also have to = sex in the heteronormative penetrative sense. There are many ways to explore arousal and pleasure and that's one of the reasons people enjoy BDSM as a way to think outside the box of sexual experiences. The truth is, it’s entirely up to you and your partner(s). Whilst it of course can be a deeply erotic experience that some like to directly combine with sex/sexual play - for many the rope play itself is the eroticism, the anticipation and the suggestion is the pleasure - and don't want or directly need to move into sex in rope. I have another blog post about this! There’s no right or wrong way to approach it as long as it's aligned with everyones boundaries...just have the discussion!

So you want to have a go.... getting started: what do you need?

1. Research and take it slow: Learn about safety basics before you begin. Rope bondage involves risk, like serious risk.... (don't want to scare you but it's real!) you need to understand what happens when you tie people up.. from circulation, nerve safety, and communication to what to do when things go wrong. Look for beginner classes or workshops in your area or explore reputable online resources. Don't try to run before you can walk - I always say, would you expect to pick up a violin and start playing mozart the same day? No... it takes time to get familiar and confident, don't try to do the most intense or complicated ties to start, play around and have fun. If you're into this, you'll find space to practice and grow.

2. Get some tools!: Another part of the research... what ropes do you want to use? I'd suggest starting with with soft, natural-fibre ropes, like jute or hemp that are gentle on the skin. Personally I avoid synthetic ropes as they can tighten unpredictably and cause discomfort - they are 'smoother' but actually harder to friction so can slip more easily. Same with very very soft squishy cotton rope, it is so soft that to compress the knots enough to where they will hold - it's actually too hard to get them undone! Good for very simple bedroom bondage, but for more intricate or intense bondage, I'd go for jute or hemp. And get some safety shears please! Any sort of cutting tool (EMT safety shears or a climbing cutting tool) - you'll likely never need it, but in the case of an emergency (fire etc.) you'll be glad you have it.

3. Practice your basics: Start with something simple like the single column tie (you can even practice on your own ankle!) - and then play with getting more confident with just handling rope, reverse tensions and basic frictions. Enjoy getting creative and then when you're more comfortable, move on to exploring more intricate shibari and rope bondage patterns. It can be frankly boring and SO unsexy to sit and just watch a pattern tutorial vs actually playing around and ENJOYING the sensory pleasures of rope. Remember why you're doing this - to have fun and play.

4. Communicate and find ways check in: Open, honest communication with your partner is essential. Discuss boundaries, expectations, and safe words before you begin - think about body language and taking time, it can be easy to either rush and get overexcited, focus too much on the rope, or be so consumed with your 'next step' that you forget to actually enjoy and check in with your partner. You can always do more - it's hard to do less, leave yourselves wanting to do more!

5. Practice practice practice: There's no magic trick to getting more confident and fluid - it really is muscle memory and finding your own flair and pleasure as you build skills. Try to find time and space to practice what you learn and incorporate it with play.

   
   

What can you expect? Is it for you?

Again....as diverse as there are applications of rope, there are also a variety of reactions! The act of being tied or tying someone can bring up a range of emotions, from excitement to arousal to relaxation to vulnerability. This is completely normal! Approach the practice and one another with curiosity and patience, allowing yourself to explore how it feels without rushing to achieve a specific result... remember the pleasure is in the process! Sometimes talking a bit about your desires as well as making space for feedback after you tie can help to either set and align intentions, or integrate the experience. Also - you will definitely feel differently on different days... don't put pressure to have any certain outcome.

Whether you’re seeking a new way to connect with your partner, explore your body as a beginner, or simply try something different, Shibari and rope bondage offer endless possibilities for creativity, kinky play and connection. It invites you to slow down, stay present, and engage with your senses in a unique way.

Final thoughts....

I've been doing rope now since 2013, like any journey, it’s one that evolves over time, offering something new with each experience, and it changes as I have changed over time.

My recommendation, if you’re curious...is to really take your time to learn, experiment, and enjoy the process. Allow yourself to be honest about how you feel, your desires, what is arousing, what is unsettling... don't compare yourself to others. You will ALWAYS have more to learn, and isn't that an interesting and expansive possibility. I hope you enjoy!

With love,

Sophia