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What to expect when first contacting or planning to visit a professional Dominatrix in London... Written with the help of my very own client of 7 years! Waiting... Bear in mind... not everyone approaches rope sessions with me from this perspective, but if you find yourself submissively inclined and interested in D/s play and visiting a professional dominatrix in London - read on and consider your initial contact as an important first step in establishing healthy and respectful long term dynamics. Things to Consider Before Contacting a Professional: Politeness Full Sentences Your Interests (Fetishes/Kinks) Experience Level & Boundaries Cleanliness Timekeeping Respect Patience First contact with a professional You’ve found a professional in London whose skills and approach intrigue you. Whether you’re interested in exploring rope bondage, power exchange, or another dynamic, it’s important to make a respectful and thoughtful first impression. Here's how to get started. How NOT to contact a professional: A brief “Hi” or “Hey” won’t make the cut when reaching out for the first time. Professionals value their time and expect serious inquiries to reflect that. Messages that are too casual will likely be ignored. Dommes are not fetish machines here to solely dispense you a fantasy at the touch of a button, a human and thoughtful enquiry is an important first impression. Make a good first contact: When reaching out, your message should be clear, respectful, and show that you've done your homework. For example: "Hello, I’ve been following your work for a while and appreciate your expertise in rope bondage. I’d love to explore a session focused on [your specific interests]. I am (beginner/intermediate/experienced) and would like to know more about the process of booking a session." This shows that you understand their services and are serious about your inquiry. Mentioning your interests and experience level helps the professional tailor their response and determine if you're a good fit for their style. You may also want to include Date/time preferences Limits/boundaries Be open - you may have a very specific kink or idea in mind, no shame! There is a real beauty in transparency an clarity, and equally if you don't know what you like or you're very new - communicate this too. Do not make any assumptions about what is involved or what differing Dommes partake in, if there is something you are curious about, ask and be honest - equally be open to hear a no if it is something they do not enjoy or offer. What to expect from the response: Each professional has their own way of working, but here are some common replies you might receive: Verification:  Some professionals may ask for proof of identity to ensure safety and trust. You should only provide minimal personal information to protect yourself. Building Compatibility:  They may want to exchange messages to see if your interests align with their skills. Though do not expect to chit chat or exchange deep fantasies back and forth with no compensation or valuing of their time. An arrangement should be concise. In-Person Meetings or Phone/Video call:  Some may prefer a chat online, or to meet in a public space for a coffee to gauge compatibility before a formal session. A meet may require an extra tribute. Deposit:  Professionals will require a deposit to secure the allotted time and perhaps studio space hire for your meeting. Being prepared to send this, combined with a thoughtful message, will distinguish you from less respectful inquiries. Preparing for session After booking a session with your professional, preparation is key to ensure everything goes smoothly—especially if you’re exploring rope bondage or another technical practice for the first time. Hygiene and Presentation: Be clean and fresh:  Shower before the session and ensure you're well-groomed. Breath mints or gum can help you feel more confident. Appropriate attire:  Depending on the instructions, dress in clean and presentable clothing, or follow any guidelines they’ve given regarding specific attire. Punctuality is crucial:  Arriving on time shows respect for their schedule. Being too early or late can cause unnecessary issues. The initial meeting: When you arrive, discreetly present the agreed-upon session fee at the start of the meeting. A small additional tribute or thoughtful gift (if they’ve shared a preference list) can demonstrate your appreciation and respect. Remember that discretion is vital when arriving to a space, and it's important to respect their personal space and privacy. It is common to have a short check in before starting, reemphasising any limits or boundaries you may have, as well as desires and things you would like to try. Every professional is different - but at least for myself, I prefer to have a human check in and interaction rather than just go straight into some intense role/ play. You can come as you are and a small chat can also help to decrease any nerves if it's your first time. During the session Whether it’s your first time visiting a professional dominatrix in London, or you're completely new to rope bondage or you’re exploring a different dynamic, clear communication is key. Although you will trust the professional to guide you through the experience, being in connection with your limits and how you feel as you go is very important. Key Tips: Mutual trust:  Whether you're exploring rope bondage, role play, or other interests, trusting one another is vital - trust is built through open communication and checking in. Do not just abandon your autonomy and believe the professional should know/mind read everything about you. Being able to communicate a "no" or stop - can also highlight your ability to say yes! Know your limits:  While it's important to challenge yourself, never push beyond your boundaries just to impress... emphasising the above. Use a safe word:  Most professionals use a traffic light system to ensure safety and comfort, though you may have your own system - this should be discussed beforehand. Green:  Continue, everything is good. Yellow:  Slow down or take a pause. Red:  Stop immediately. After the session: Once the session is nearing an end, you might have some time to unwind and come down before you head back into the world, if you know you like extended time to do this it's helpful to note that in your enquiry to book and plan for additional down time. Do not spend an extra 20 minutes running over your agreed time to chit chat unless invited by your Professional. It's courteous and helpful to send a follow-up message thanking the professional for the experience (if you enjoyed yourself!). Feedback is important and can help both of you refine future sessions. Offering this type of feedback shows your appreciation and helps build a positive rapport. Over time, as your connection and trust grow, sessions can become even more dynamic and tailored to your needs. Patience and willingness to grow Forming a relationship with a professional takes time. Whether you're exploring rope bondage for the first time or diving into new aspects of power exchange, your sessions will evolve as trust builds. Remember to be patient and open to learning, good things take time, and a strong dynamic doesn’t develop overnight. Final thoughts: Exploring rope bondage or any other aspect of BDSM when visiting a professional dominatrix in London can be a deeply fulfilling experience. The key is to approach with respect, maintain open communication, and be patient with the process. As you learn and grow, so too will your experiences with the professional, creating a rewarding and ongoing journey. Good luck, and enjoy your exploration! pup

Exploring expressions of Femdom and building confidence in your own unique erotic power... One of the questions I've been asked often during classes or private recently sessions is... “How do I find my real or authentic topping/domme style?” And honestly? For a long time I think it's very helpful to be honest that I didn’t! I didn’t explore or express dominance in a way that was truly aligned with my own desires or erotic sense of power. I leaned into what I thought I was supposed to be doing, what I had seen before, stereotypes and roles that I thought others expected me to fulfil... not what genuinely turned me on or brought me into ease and creativity. So when people are having difficulty finding their own confidence or 'authenticity' in a dominant role...I think that’s actually a great place to start, by noticing all the unconscious influences we carry.We often internalise expectations, stereotypes, or archetypes of what “dominance” should look like. Especially due to intensely different gendered experiences of power and control in relation to sexuality. These can subtly (and overtly!) shape how we show up in BDSM or erotic power dynamics - sometimes without us even realising it. From the outfits we wear to the ways we start, to the tone of voice we use or the sequence of how we play - how much of these things are replicating what we have seen others doing vs. what is actually working for us? Why "authentic" dominance can be hard to find When we think of dominant roles in kink, especially in my case I'll talk about Femdom (female dominance) a certain imagery often comes to mind: latex, high heels, whips, commanding voice, the classic "Mistress" persona. Though that might be thrilling for some (and totally valid!), it may not resonate with everyone. I got really good at playing that part and understanding how it worked, but it never truly felt aligned with what I found exciting or meaningful about holding power in intimate spaces. What felt real for me was something more mischievous, often quietly strong, even soft and more sensually caring. Sometimes just downright creepy and perverted! Sadistic... (cue maniacal laughter). Aesthetically very casual and non fetish - something that wasn’t about performance, but about pleasure. My own and theirs - shared! Stepping into that and exploring it took time. It also meant unpacking the shame and confusion I had around not fitting roles I had associated with what it should look like. It also meant allowing myself to be a bit more awkward, a bit more vulnerable, and a bit more creative - ooh the possibilities become endless! It also meant be letting go of all those weird expectations around how I should speak or hold space which actually put a lot of pressure on me I realised - I found it easier to ask for feedback, easier to laugh and bring humour and silliness into scenes - even down to physically feeling more comfortable because I wear what I want and what makes ME feel good not what I think someone else will see as 'sexy' So...what kind of power feels good to me? If you’re not sure what works for you it may help to ask yourself... What kind of power excites you? What kind of power repels/repulses or angers you? Can you think of authority or dominance outside of harmful or abusive roles? How are your associations to power shaped by gender, culture, age, race, desirability politics? How for you can power be expressed through care, through quiet confidence, through humour perhaps? Not all power looks the same and it can be complex. Sometimes what we might be avoiding or most unsure about is where our something really playful and pleasurable might be, something we truly want but feel unsure or unsafe exploring. And this is why I always say: Topping is just as vulnerable as bottoming. To fully explore your desires and erotic power - you need space and partners who support you to actually be curious, and open. You need to feel invited enough to experiment. It’s okay to try something and decide, “That didn’t really feel like me.”....That’s part of the process. Not a fixed role Equally - your topping style doesn’t have to stay the same - just like roles for bottoming and exploring submissive roles can change. How you explore your top side can shift depending on your mood, partner, or stage of life. You’re allowed (thankfully!) to change, explore and be awkward. There is no “right” way to do erotic power.There is only the way that feels real to you. Use the classic archetypes as a jump off point if they help, but don’t be afraid to break the rules and make your own. The more you lean into what feels pleasurable and aligned with your desires and excitement - the more confidence you’ll build. A few ways to start exploring your style... Reflect on dominant figures (fictional, real, imagined) that inspire you or totally turn you off - why? Can you blend them all to find your very own character to step into... Play with tone, space, stance and energy before tools or toys: is your vibe playful? Menacing? Cerebral? Teasing? Silent? Let yourself have permission to try scenes that flip the traditional dynamic. What if dominance looked like stillness, or care, or denial - it doesn't have to be about overpowering, service or pain. Talk to your partners about what excites you - what excites them? Even if its unclear or you're figuring it out you may get some fun ideas or inspired by them too. Dominance and finding what works for you - like all parts of kink, is an ongoing practice. Give yourself space to try on different 'hats' and feel free to throw out what doesn't work for you. What a relief when you find that permission to explore on your own path vs. those already carved out. Have fun! S x

So you’re curious about rope and kink.. OR... you know your kinky, have been since you can remember - but maybe it's been a deeply private exploration or something you've never shared openly with a partner. If you've always had fantasies, searched or played online, or only explored solo - but now you're in a relationship and you want to explore... where and how do you even begin? There can be layers of shame, lack of knowledge of how to share these things with another person, or uncertainty about how they will take it. If you're feeling shy or worried - let me give you some tips! Introducing any kind of kink or BDSM into a relationship can feel daunting, it makes sense... these are deeply intimate parts of ourselves, and absolutely unfortunately there can be stigma, shame or stereotypes and misinformation about kink and BDSM which can push those desires even further inside rather than allow us to own them. Culturally, socially, there can be fears around being rejected, shamed, or simply not knowing how to bring it up if it's never been something you've discussed openly with another person before. My advice - that’s exactly where you start: by naming it  and allowing space for curiosity and exploration together. When you don't know how to talk about something, start by saying 'I haven't been sure about how to talk about/bring this up....' there - you started! It is also helpful to recognise we don't have to do everything at once, there are small and accessible ways to start, and ways to bring kink into your relationship with support and curiosity rather than it be a big daunting thing! Still here...Want to continue and introduce kink to a partner? ... here are my tips once you've started the conversation... 1.Be honest and transparent as much as possible Don’t try to ‘trick’ your partner into anything or spring it on them mid-play/mid sex, bring it up first outside of the bedroom! Open, honest conversation is everything and helps build trust especially if it's a totally new topic. As I said - if you haven’t discussed kink before, simply acknowledging that can be powerful: “I’ve been curious about something, but I’ve been nervous to bring it up.”  .... That alone can open the door to dialogue. Reassure your partner that this isn’t about pressuring them into anything, it’s about exploring together and finding new ways to be playful and intimate with one another. Let them know why  you’re interested in rope or kink: maybe you think you'd find it deeply erotic and exciting, or think you'd love the rush and connection it builds playing with different roles, the aesthetic or texture of certain toys/tools... a physical sensation, a space to switch off or release from the day to day- or maybe you also don't know but you want to figure it out together with them .  This can help them understand where you’re coming from rather than feeling like they need to immediately react with a yes or no, or indulge you in something they don't understand or feel unsure about. Again - highlighting this is something you want to do with them (if that's true!) helps- this is about sharing and intimacy. Who knows... maybe they have their own desires and ideas too! Introducing kink into a relationship and exploring with your partner can be exciting, vulnerable, unfamiliar and definitely bring up questions... making space for pause, having conversations about consent and what this means to one another will be just as important as getting the gear and getting into bed - take the approach towards play slowly - it will be more sustainable! 2. Learn together (rather than going in all guns blazing) Kink requires skills and learning about yourselves and one another! You don’t need to be an expert overnight and it’s so much more fun when you both get to discover together. Especially with rope - instead of putting pressure on yourself to ‘do it right’ straight away, take it as an opportunity to explore. Watch a beginner-friendly tutorial together, join a class, book a private with a professional (hi!) or read about the different ways people enjoy rope or BDSM...whether it’s for sensuality, relaxation, or practical playful restraint. Make space for humour, curiosity, and feedback as much as the serious aspects of play. Rather than expecting to tie an intricate harness on your first go, or do some intense extended bondage or impact scene, start with something simple: playing with the texture of the rope against the skin, simple restriction and touch, combining it with something else you already enjoy and feels familiar. See what feels good. ...see where it leads. Equally... take the pressure out of fulfilling some stereotype roles of Dom(me)/sub either - these can feel inauthentic or daunting to step into - allow yourself to simply explore what actually feels interesting to you and release those expectations - you will likely discover something much more fun and unique to your own dynamic. Simply talking about fantasies and desires can also help build the erotic pleasure and leave lots of possibility and excitement without having to carry it all out - again think of it as part of the foreplay. Try on different ideas 'psychologically' with eachother through some playful back and forth about scenarios, role plays, types of play - see what excites you... that may be more accessible than trying to dive right into the practicals! 3. Go shopping (or get creative at home!) Nothing builds excitement quite like a little pre-adventure prep.... it's like kinky foreplay! Go rope shopping together, visit a sex shop, try BDSM tools out... maybe don't go super hardcore and find something softer or beginner friendly. Think about what 'feels' good rather than simply what is the most expensive or eye catching thing, don't be afraid to hold or touch tools if you can go test them out in person, you may be surprised by the sensations and textures that excite you! Or... make it fun and turn shopping online into a kinky at home date night : hunt around the house for ‘pervertables’ - everyday items that can be repurposed for play. That dressing gown cord? Soft handcuffs. An old scarf? A blindfold. The wooden spoon? SPANK - you get the idea. The act of discovering these possibilities together helps build playfulness and removes the pressure of ‘doing it right’ immediately - again humour and play is important! You'd also be surprised how many pervertables your local 'kitchen/hardware' shop will have. You'd also be surprised how much a new outfit, a specific toy, or setting the scene in an intentional way will help shift the mood and allow you to step into a more playful/curious space. Don't just expect it to burst out of nowhere (though who knows, it could) - but many of us need time and signals to our body and mind that we have space to try out something new. So dedicating time to creating that space whether physical or psychological - could support you! 4. Name the nervousness, acknowledge the newness and take each other’s hand Yes - it can be intimidating to introduce something new into your relationship - but that’s potentially where the journey begins...acknowledging the nervousness and taking the first step together. Acknowledging this also dispells the myth that kink or BDSM is only vulnerable for the 'receiving' or submissive partner - everyone involved can feel vulnerable and are taking some risks by stepping into these types of play and exploration. Allowing yourself to talk about this will mean you can actually often go further than trying to push it down and pretend it doesn't exist - everyone has limits, everyone has desires, everyone is taking risks - talk about it. For example, this can happen in different ways, imagine a couple where one partner has fantasies about being spanked, yet the other has ingrained beliefs or past experiences that associate hitting with abuse. Even though one partner is fully consenting and excited about it, the idea may still feel uncomfortable or loaded with fear/shame rather than pleasure and eroticism - even if those desires are present at the same time somewhere. An open conversation here is needed before stepping into play, space to discuss boundaries, give reassurance, permission and come to a mutual understanding about what this might mean for someone. Acknowledging that abuse exists while also recognising that consensual kink allows us to reclaim control, transform experiences, and subvert harm into empowerment. However....this doesn’t mean rushing into it after one conversation - especially for the person on the giving end, who may need time to process and ease into it to build up confidence. Honouring both partners' comfort levels, histories, and limits is essential to make this sustainable and enjoyable... You don’t have to have all the answers or come in with a perfect plan. Instead of presenting something fully formed and expecting perfection....see it as setting off on a journey together - one where you get to play, laugh, experiment, and most importantly connect with yourselves and one another more deeply .  I truly think you’ll have much more fun that way! Let me know how it goes....

I'm often asked, “So what happens after you're tied up? Do you have sex once someone is suspended? What comes next?” Well....the answer changes every time, and with every different person, and even with the same person, the answer can be different each time! Do some people like to mix rope with what might be considered mainstream heteronormative, penetrative sex? Yes! But many don’t, many never do, some will, and some might, with some people… It’s as varied as the number of people exploring. A more interesting and thought-provoking answer may be that, for many people, the kink and the rope is  the play. It's not about tying someone up and then starting the "fun stuff." The intimacy, the closeness, and the tension (literally and figuratively) are what is arousing or pleasurable in and of itself. Many of us have been taught or socialised to believe that pleasure and intimacy are really just about one thing, our genitals (boring). So, it’s understandable that we might assume rope and kink are just a means to get to what we typically do when we're turned on. However, kink and BDSM offer so many opportunities to connect with pleasure, sensuality, sensation, and intimacy, potentially all without ever needing to be naked, though sometimes that is fun too. Intimacy is about vulnerability and trust. Yes, we can experience that through sex, but we can also deeply experience it, and perhaps even tap into forms of pleasure and connection we didn't know were possible, when we put aside our expectations and explore other ways of engaging with our bodies and our partners. The assumption that it all needs to lead to sex may actually prevent us from experiencing other possibilities or outcomes of play. By staying open, we leave space for surprising and curious new dynamics to emerge. Kink and BDSM make room for fantasy, playfulness, and sensation, all of which require deep communication, trust, and consent. So, yes, sometimes it might involve sex, but it can also be exciting and different to explore without it. Kink can also invite us to experience sex differently from how we usually do, because we’re involving new types of play, tools, or scenarios. One thing to note is that with certain types of kink, like rope bondage or impact play, there's already so much sensation, intensity, and feelings to process. Your body is moving, interacting with textures and pressures in new ways. At least initially, I would recommend not immediately introducing something deeply sexual or more physically intense. It might be more enjoyable to explore the kink on its own before combining it with sexual play, and if you do, go slowly and check in. I would never assume that people expect or want to involve sexual/genital play in kink unless it is explicitly agreed. Kink invites us to step outside our usual routines and try on something different. That can mean kink with no sex, or kink with a very different type of sex. Once again, there are endless combinations and possibilities, just as I mentioned at the beginning. Often, people ask this question "what comes now?" - because when stepping outside of our comfort zone, especially when new to something like Shibari, there's a tendency to revert to what's familiar, or to do what we think is expected. The beauty of this experience is that there are no  expectations. The only expectation is to stay connected to your own needs and boundaries, and to remain in open communication with your partner. Even if you initially agree to explore sexual play, that can change at any moment, and that's completely okay. In fact, it can be a relief to acknowledge this, as it opens up so many possibilities for exploring other forms of pleasure. So... is rope bondage about sex? The answer is essentially: maybe, sometimes, yes, and no! I personally LOVE to mix kink with sexual play, with certain people when the mood is right, though sometimes there will be an 'erotic energy', yes touch and closeness and intensity - but 'sex' itself? Often not. Truly - it's up to you.. and if you're unsure it's always fun to be left wanting more - you can always do more the next time - it's hard to do less. Always discuss with your partners, don’t make assumptions, be open and communicate! With love! Sophia

All the curiosity arises when people first see shibari.... Does it hurt? Is it normal to be in to this? Is it different to normal "bondage" leather and cuffs? How do I learn and where do I even start? What is it all about? Let me try to demystify it a bit... Long story short (and sorry to those who seek clear cut answers!) - there really is no one size fits all answer...for some, it’s a purely erotic and sexual, a fetish- for others, it’s sensual but less erotic...more about the physical sensations or the deep sense of vulnerability and intimacy they feel being tied, and others it may be a draw towards the visuals and intricacies of tying and creating beautiful aesthetics on the body - and sometimes a mix of all, something completely different... it changes over time. Any idea what it might be for you yet? Whether you’re completely new to Shibari or looking to deepen your understanding of this kinky practice, this blog may help you take your first steps! What is shibari anyway? The long story short... again. Disclaimer - I am not Japanese, and though I have been exploring this for a long time - I would advise you to seek our learning specifically about the roots and historic/cultural significance from Japanese sources - generally seeking diverse information is useful - but here is the understanding through my lens and my learning. Shibari (in Japanese) literally translates to "to tie. I would highly recommend a deeper dive into the origins as it could be a history lesson on it's own - but here is the condensed version of how I understand how we practice it today. Shibari has its roots in Japan’s Edo period (1600-1800s), where hojojutsu (a martial art) was practised by Samurai to capture/restrain/transport and torture prisoners with rope. It's not some 'ancient erotic art form' - but like many aspects of BDSM, the tools and dynamics we engage with are rooted in historic (and often ongoing) practices that oppressed, harmed or controlled people.  Equally - rope has always held a broader cultural significance in Japan, seen in Shinto practices like shimenawa (sacred rope) and binding/tying is found in everyday uses such as fastening kimonos or furoshiki (a traditional method using cloth to wrap objects. How it moved from being used by samurai into a sexual/erotic practice is longer to explain - I would advise exploring the shift (big shifts in the 20th century) as it evolved from representations in kabuki theatre and art - through photography, videography (porn!) and performance to get us closer to how we practice today. So just like caning, flogging, whipping, and handcuffs which all carry heavy history of punishment and violence that people subvert and eroticise - rope holds specific cultural and historical relevance/significance in Japan, yet across cultures and histories different people will have their own feelings and relationships to rope and bondage - understanding roots broadly and personally is important if we wish to practice with awareness and respect for ourselves and one another . Something I feel strongly about is highlighting the political and cultural influences these symbols carry and how they shape people’s experiences and approaches to play (consciously and unconsciously!). How can engage in kink in ways that subvert, empower, and create intentional spaces for exploration....rather than unintentionally recreating cycles of harm or reinforcing power dynamics that perpetuate existing inequalities and violence? Perhaps that’s a whole other blog post to reflect on! Back to this one... I would describe the main focus of shibari as enjoying the pleasure of the process... unlike simple cuffs or leather which are clicked/snapped on or removed in mere seconds. Rope bondage emphasises the moments inbetween... the process of the tying, the rope going on and coming off, the sensation of movement and progressive restriction, the transitions and what is noticed as this intensify and shift. It's not just about the end goal, it's about enjoying how you get there. Shibari is not just about tying someone up. It’s about the interplay of vulnerability and control, the tactile sensation of the rope, and the unique dynamic between two people exploring together. And of course... it's the bondage and the power dynamics - whilst shibari is often celebrated in more mainstream spaces for its artistry and sensuality, we cannot separate it from its BDSM roots. Why do people practice rope bondage? Once again - as many reasons as there are people practicing! But here are some themes that come up often of why people are drawn to rope... Connection and intimacy : Rope bondage (and all kink practices!) requires clear communication and trust with yourself and one another. It can deepen intimacy with a partner and encourage you to become more aware of your boundaries and desires. When you play with deep trust, you also expose yourself to risks, which means both people need to be connected and present which can develop meaningful and intimate bonds (sorry for the pun...) Exploration of power dynamics : Shibari can be a way to explore themes of surrender, control, and empowerment. Even without intentionally going into an intense D/s (Dom/sub) dynamic, one person is tying and another is being tied, one person has control of the rope, one person doesn't. Many people express (on both sides of tying and being tied) the power of 'getting out of their head and into their body'. There is something intense and vulnerable (again for both people!) to explore surrender and holding space for another person to do so. SEX: It's erotic, it feels good, bondage is a fetish! Some people are drawn to and enjoy rope purely for the fact that it get's them off, or they are aroused by a partner in bondage. Many people can feel ashamed about expressing this desire for sex in ropes, and may feel they need to justify it as some sort of artistic drive too... though that isn't the case for everyone and I would urge those who love bondage simply because they find it arousing to fully own and enjoy that reality for themselves! (I'm with you...!) Creativity : It does look pretty... and the beautiful thing about rope is it is completely versatile and customisable. It can feel pleasurable and exciting to explore all the possibilities of this tool and how visually different it can look (and feel) on different bodies and with different moods. Sensory play : The feeling of the rope against your skin, the tension, and the physical sensations can be incredibly grounding and pleasurable... and painful (if you're into that sort of thing). People enjoy the spectrum of sensations with rope - everything you could feel with your hands it could be done with rope. So it can be hard, soft, stroking, tight, caressing, pressing... fast slow etc. etc. etc. Again - possibilities are endless! Is Shibari about sex? Each to their own... I guess a common misconception about Shibari is that it always involves sexual play. Whilst bondage can be arousing and sexual for many - the reality is something feeling 'sexual' doesn't also have to = sex in the heteronormative penetrative sense. There are many ways to explore arousal and pleasure and that's one of the reasons people enjoy BDSM as a way to think outside the box of sexual experiences. The truth is, it’s entirely up to you and your partner(s). Whilst it of course can be a deeply erotic experience that some like to directly combine with sex/sexual play - for many the rope play itself is the eroticism, the anticipation and the suggestion is the pleasure - and don't want or directly need to move into sex in rope. I have another blog post about this! There’s no right or wrong way to approach it as long as it's aligned with everyones boundaries...just have the discussion! So you want to have a go.... getting started: what do you need? Research and take it slow : Learn about safety basics before you begin. Rope bondage involves risk, like serious risk.... (don't want to scare you but it's real!) you need to understand what happens when you tie people up.. from circulation, nerve safety, and communication to what to do when things go wrong. Look for beginner classes or workshops in your area or explore reputable online resources. Don't try to run before you can walk - I always say, would you expect to pick up a violin and start playing mozart the same day? No... it takes time to get familiar and confident, don't try to do the most intense or complicated ties to start, play around and have fun. If you're into this, you'll find space to practice and grow. Get some tools! : Another part of the research... what ropes do you want to use? I'd suggest starting with with soft, natural-fibre ropes, like jute or hemp that are gentle on the skin. Personally I avoid synthetic ropes as they can tighten unpredictably and cause discomfort - they are 'smoother' but actually harder to friction so can slip more easily. Same with very very soft squishy cotton rope, it is so soft that to compress the knots enough to where they will hold - it's actually too hard to get them undone! Good for very simple bedroom bondage, but for more intricate or intense bondage, I'd go for jute or hemp. And get some safety shears please! Any sort of cutting tool (EMT safety shears or a climbing cutting tool) - you'll likely never need it, but in the case of an emergency (fire etc.) you'll be glad you have it. Practice your basics: Start with something simple like the single column tie (you can even practice on your own ankle!) - and then play with getting more confident with just handling rope, reverse tensions and basic frictions. Enjoy getting creative and then when you're more comfortable, move on to exploring more intricate shibari and rope bondage patterns. It can be frankly boring and SO unsexy to sit and just watch a pattern tutorial vs actually playing around and ENJOYING the sensory pleasures of rope. Remember why you're doing this - to have fun and play. Communicate and find ways check in : Open, honest communication with your partner is essential. Discuss boundaries, expectations, and safe words before you begin - think about body language and taking time, it can be easy to either rush and get overexcited, focus too much on the rope, or be so consumed with your 'next step' that you forget to actually enjoy and check in with your partner. You can always do more - it's hard to do less, leave yourselves wanting to do more! Practice practice practice: There's no magic trick to getting more confident and fluid - it really is muscle memory and finding your own flair and pleasure as you build skills. Try to find time and space to practice what you learn and incorporate it with play. What can you expect? Is it for you? Again. ...as diverse as there are applications of rope, there are also a variety of reactions! The act of being tied or tying someone can bring up a range of emotions, from excitement to arousal to relaxation to vulnerability. This is completely normal! Approach the practice and one another with curiosity and patience, allowing yourself to explore how it feels without rushing to achieve a specific result... remember the pleasure is in the process! Sometimes talking a bit about your desires as well as making space for feedback after you tie can help to either set and align intentions, or integrate the experience. Also - you will definitely feel differently on different days... don't put pressure to have any certain outcome. Whether you’re seeking a new way to connect with your partner, explore your body as a beginner, or simply try something different, Shibari and rope bondage offer endless possibilities for creativity, kinky play and connection. It invites you to slow down, stay present, and engage with your senses in a unique way. Final thoughts.... I've been doing rope now since 2013, like any journey, it’s one that evolves over time, offering something new with each experience, and it changes as I have changed over time. My recommendation, if you’re curious...is to really take your time to learn, experiment, and enjoy the process. Allow yourself to be honest about how you feel, your desires, what is arousing, what is unsettling... don't compare yourself to others. You will ALWAYS have more to learn, and isn't that an interesting and expansive possibility. I hope you enjoy! With love, Sophia

Shibari, or rope bondage, has gained significant popularity in recent years. Sometimes it can be romanticised as some sort of ancient erotic practice, or emphasised as a meditative 'somatic' practice - whilst it can be erotic, and definitely connect you with your body - please (another blog post pending) research the origins! Let's just be clear that it’s deeply rooted in BDSM culture, and understanding this context is important for anyone interested in learning or exploring rope, regardless of their intention of how to practice. Despite its aesthetic appeal and mainstream popularity (especially on IG), it’s not separate from kink or BDSM - it is the B (bondage) in BDSM! Even if you’re not engaging in deep D/s (Dominant/ submissive) dynamics, you’re still playing with themes of power, vulnerability, and trust. Yes, it can be a form of self-exploration and body connection, and perhaps sometimes simply an artistic practice, but it's important to acknowledge and not downplay the role of power dynamics in this type of play. Recently, there has been a troubling rise in portraying Shibari as a “healing modality” or therapeutic practice. While some may find personal benefits in bondage, any claims of ‘healing’ should be approached with skepticism. We've seen public cases of abuse, where individuals (often cis men) offering 'somatic' Shibari healing sessions have violated the consent of clients, crossing boundaries under the guise of a healing session. These claims are not only misleading but incredibly dangerous, exploiting people's curiosity, trauma and vulnerability. The dynamics of Shibari depend heavily on trust, and when misrepresented, can lead to manipulation, especially for those in vulnerable states. It is not uncommon for people to carry deep layers of shame regarding their desires and experiences. Framing Shibari as purely artistic or healing may feel like a way to reconcile those conflicting feelings, but this can also make it harder for people to question or challenge inappropriate behaviour during sessions. Creating any sort of unrealistic expectation that engaging in Shibari will result in profound emotional healing, is I believe, simply a scam. If we break it down - the tactile nature of rope bondage and the intimacy and risk of allowing someone to explore this practice with you releases endorphins and emotions, it can be overwhelming if you're unprepared. This emotional intensity could bring about feelings (if misinformed or mislead) that the person tying them holds the power to transform or ‘heal’ them. For me, the empowerment, catharsis, or emotional release that occurs during a session comes from within you, not something given or controlled by the person holding the rope. The body's natural reactions to pleasure, trust, and connection are not mystical or “therapeutic,” they are just part of the human experience. I do also want to acknowledge that it's entirely valid to experience Shibari as 'therapeutic' or to find that you’ve overcome personal difficulties through kink relationships. Many people develop a deeper sense of confidence in their bodies or feel they are able to 'work through' traumas within these experiences. For me, the key distinction is that when genuine healing or transformation occurs, it is not attributed solely to another person's ability, but rather something of a co-creation, an experience that is personal but shared between partners. When this happens it also often happens somewhat unintentionally and gradually, shifting and evolving over time rather than in a single session where the intention is 'to heal'. Healing and growth take time, and to claim the ability to transform someone in just one session raises doubts for me. If you're considering exploring Shibari, I would be cautious of anyone claiming to offer it solely as a therapeutic practice. Rope bondage can be transformative, but it’s a personal journey rooted in mutual consent, awareness, and clear communication. Whether with a professional or a partner, remember that no one can “make” you feel or experience anything. Note that if you have a history of trauma, please seek support from qualified professionals. Don’t solely rely on a kink practice that might be misrepresented as a form of healing. Yes, it might be a piece of the puzzle in your journey to more self connection and growth, but let that be one part of many other things that support you. As you learn and explore, be open to the shifting ways it can enhance your self-discovery, pleasure, and unique desires. There is no “one true way” to experience Shibari. Enjoy your own journey and be curious. Just please steer clear of anyone claiming to be a "Shibari healer"! Much love, Sophia